So…

…my works not been the best recently. My manager is an absolute tool. Well, he’s a lovely lovely man, but the worlds worst manager. There’s a massive list of things he does wrong and it’s seriously infuriating me, that and the fact that he’s upsetting all of my staff is making me wanna push him off of a bridge.

So I’ve been kinda looking at other jobs atm, because even though I talked to him about it, I doubt anything is going to change. Been offered one, but it’s quite far to travel to it. And I was told about a transfer option within the company I work with, but it’s a transfer to Glasgow.

So I don’t know what to do.

It has good points. Like, I’d be closer to my mum n molly and family. I’d be closer incase my gran gets ill again. It’d be a new start in a new city..well, kinda new, lived there before. I wouldn’t have to put up with a certain twat and her drama. It’d be cheaper to live there, I could get a good flat.I could totally start again and have a whole new me going!

But it has bad points. Like, I’d be closer to my mum n molly so i’d go home n end up with no life lol! It’s kinda tempting fate to move there incase my gran gets ill, isn’t it?! I would miss this city, much as everyone moans about it, I love the little old streets and the pretty buildings. I love the little old homeless man that Melanie and I stalked. I’d miss the weather here!! I’d lose contact with some amazing people, like, truly amazing friends that I have, even though we don’t see each other much, moving away would ruin it all.

And all this isn’t even thinking about the boy. He’d never do something as stupid as asking me to stay, and I’d never ask him to come with me. But, well, but I love him lol. I don’t know, like, I love him, but there’s not really such a thing as proper real love any more is there? I mean, nobody loves people like they used to. there’s no such thing as forever and til death do us part anymore.

I mean, I remember being a little kid and at a ceilidh with my grandparents, and you could tell, even though they were old and wrinkly and (GROSS!! wrinkles =[) saggy and everything, they only had eyes for each other, it was like there was nobody else there when they looked at each other and my Seanair had this goofy face, it was proper real love, and that doesn’t seem to happen anymore, people fall in love and then get bored of it. Or leave each other after one argument, or think that one tough patch means everything isn’t worth it.

I don’t, and can’t believe that, as much as i know i should. I believe in fairy tale love. And I see no reason not to have it. I believe in fate and “the one” and happily ever after. I don’t see why the person you’re with can’t give you butterflies every time you see them, and make your heart do summersaults. I’m realistic with my fairytale love lol, i know there are shit times when you can’t even look at someone because you can actually feel your heart break inside, and i know all the hurt feelings too, but i just think that for someone to be able to hurt you so much, they must be able to make you so goddamned happy too. I totally believe that one day some yummy gothy geeky guy is gonna buy me lego rings and propose and we’ll have the biggest party ever and like happily ever after. But i seem to be the only person that believes in that now. i hate how cynical people are.

AAAaaaaannnyway, kinda went off on a little rant there lol, yeah, I dunno what to do, I love bj, and i don’t think i could go. but who’s to say it’ll last? what if this time next year we’re not even talking and i could’ve had a good job n my own flat and everything in another city?

Anyone wanna tell me what to do? i’ve got no idea. I don’t wanna be a grown up any more =[